Do you believe that using good manners is a bygone concept?
We must distinguish between etiquette and manners in order to respond to this question in the correct manner. A set of rules for conduct known as etiquette helps us navigate circumstances that could otherwise be scary. (Consider the innumerable queries on how to throw a wedding, for instance.) Although etiquette may appear strict, it actually changes over time. What was appropriate manners for a certain event a century ago can be completely out of date today. Etiquette differs from one culture to another as well. Contrarily, good manners focus more on kindness and consideration, as well as taking into account how our actions affect those around us. And in that sense, using good manners is timeless and transcends location and time.
It seems that rude behavior is most obvious around the dinner table. Is there a simple way to keep track of which tools to use? Are there any specific dining customs, aside from chatting with your mouth full, that are a dead giveaway that your manners aren't up to snuff?
By observing someone while they eat, you can learn a lot about their etiquette. In my dining-etiquette classes, I like to use the analogy that, if you picture your place setting from above, from left to right, it looks like the BMW emblem, where the B stands for your bread, the M for your meal, and the W for your water. You won’t ever again pick up the wrong water glass or dinner roll with this in mind. In addition to these errors, one of the most frequent blunders I see is when diners let servers clean their plates before everyone else at the table has finished their meal. You should hold onto your dish until everyone at the table has finished eating, regardless of the waiter’s intentions.
Speaking of eating out, going out for business lunches and dinners is different than going out for a quick meal with the guys. Do you have any business etiquette advice for men who are pursuing successful careers?
Things that occur at a business lunch have the potential to ruin both the meal and the career. One of them shouldn’t be poor manners. As a general rule, keep in mind that the client’s (or your boss’s) comfort and enjoyment of the meal come before your own. The best seat at the table, the one that is most comfortable or has the best view, letting them choose the number of courses and dishes, avoiding messy foods like spaghetti, wings, or a cheesesteak, regardless of how much you may love those dishes, and only ordering wine or a cocktail if they do (though you are not required to).
Should you treat female customers and superiors in the same manner as those who are male?
We should not treat people differently based on their gender because we cherish rank in the job. It is inappropriate for a man to represent a female client or coworker; this is business, not a date. Regarding holding doors, I advise a man who wants to be considered a gentleman to do it for both men and women. A working gentleman exhibits his consideration for everyone by not favoring women over men.
Social media appears to promote undesirable conduct. How can males behave properly when sharing and posting online?
It enables rather than encourages, in my opinion. It’s not the technology that’s at fault; it’s how we choose to utilize it. Start by abiding by the mantra I developed for the online world: Place people before pixels. To put it another way, if you are with a real, live person, you should be paying them your complete attention and not dividing it with your phone. Second, think twice before you post or share something online. Would you be happy with your grandmother, boss, husband, priest or rabbi, child, or next-door neighbor seeing it? Don’t post it if the response to any of those is no. It won’t be feasible to take it back once you put it out there.
Do you have any advice for males who are using online dating apps?
Keep in mind that the person who is reading the dating profile has sentiments. Treating potential partners like commodities, expressing interest, and then ghosting, also known as bread crumbing or catfishing, is harsh and degrades everyone’s dating experience. The language is brilliant, but the actions are not. Respect your dates as you would like to be respected in return.
In relation to dating, is chivalry extinct? Should men still be able to pick up the check and open the car door? And are there any slick dating techniques or behaviors that might help a guy stand out from the crowd?
There is no right or wrong answer to this because different women find different things endearing and patronising about this kind of conduct. Also, the idea that men should pay the bills is fading as women reach salary parity with men. To provide a blatant example, should a struggling actor who is out on a date with a female investment banker be expected to foot the bill because he is a man? The question “Who asked whom out on a date?” is a better benchmark. Modern etiquette dictates that she pay if she initiated the request and, to boot, chose the eatery. Having said that, in every iteration of this scenario, each side should offer to cover at least half the bill, unless or until one party persists and demands to cover the entire bill. And when that happens, the other party should agree to foot the bill for the dessert, coffee, after-dinner drinks, or the next meal.
I believe that being attentive when out on a date is generally a good idea for men. This includes putting her chair at the table, unlocking the car door, and assisting her with her coat. The message here should be “I respect and care for you, and your ease and comfort are a high concern for me,” rather than “I’m doing this because you are too feeble to do it yourself.”
What is the most common grooming error you notice men making when it comes to manners?
When it comes to our appearance, how we portray ourselves when meeting new people conveys our respect (or lack thereof). I believe that guys have made great strides in the field of personal care, with things like moisturising, brow shaping, manicures, and teeth whitening becoming commonplace in many men’s routines. However, I believe that dressing sloppily is an area where too many guys fall short. No matter how slick his beard may look, there is nothing more awkward than seeing a man out with a woman who is dressed to the nines while he appears to have slept in his t-shirt. Increasing your wardrobe game is part of improving your grooming. If you dress appropriately, whether for business or a social gathering, people will remember you for all the right reasons.
